This week has been the worst week for me since my little girl was born. I didn't even have a week this horrible when I spent days on end awake while she screamed with colic. I think that's because I'm not just exhausted and stressed to the max from being mommy. I've got a lot of other things going on, personal problems, family problems, and such that are all piling up on me at once.
Today I found myself doing something I never do. I loaded the baby up, took her to my aunt's for a few hours, and I went back home to basically have a mini breakdown alone. I knew I couldn't hold it all in any longer, and I didn't want her to be here when I let it all out. I know I would never do anything to hurt my daughter, but I didn't want her to see me like that...even if she is only 8 months old and too young to realize Mommy's having a really bad day.
I thought I'd feel better after I cried it out for a few hours, but I don't. That just made me even more exhausted, and then I had to prepare for Hubby to come home and the stress to start all over again. I won't go into details, but we're pretty much not on good terms right now. We've hit a rough patch in our relationship, and it's taking it's toll on me.
I don't think I've ever been this mentally and physically exhausted. The physical part I can handle. I know I need more sleep. I know I need to start taking a multivitamin again. I had to ditch my prenatals a long time ago because I couldn't find some that made me sick. My doctor made it clear he would rather have me eating a good diet with plenty of nutrients than have me taking vitamins that would cause me to throw up everything I ate.
Now I think it's time for me to go back on a vitamin, just not a prenatal. I even spent some time reading www.womensvitamin.org hoping I could find some information on a multivitamin that will help me gain some of my energy back that I've been lacking because I know there's no chance of me getting more sleep until we work on the little one's sleep problems. It's time for me to start worrying about myself. Hubby can worry about his vitamins himself.
I think what would really help me right now is a vacation, but it's just not financially possible. Now I'm not even sure if we're going to be able to afford the beach trip with my Dad at the end of the summer.