I am so totally worn out tonight.  I am mentally and physically drained after a very emotional day. The little one has been running a high fever off and on all day, and on top of trying to keep her comfortable my little cousin and I have kind of been at each other’s throats.  I feel hurt over the situation, and being that she’s basically a 19 year old spoiled brat who has always been handed whatever she wants, she doesn’t seem to comprehend why I’m so upset with her.

When we found out she was pregnant I was so excited to get the opportunity to throw her a baby shower.  She has always been more like a little sister to me, so I really wanted to do it.  Apparently there’s this unspoken baby shower etiquette, too, that says it’s bad for your mom, mother-in-law, or sister to throw you the shower.  I’d never heard of this until a ton of people got upset that my mil threw me a baby shower.  I think that’s stupid, but whatever. 

The point is we made plans for me to throw her a baby shower.  She has spent countless hours with me picking out baby shower invitations, decorations, and shower favors.  We agreed it would be a small shower because her Dad’s side of the family was going to throw her a small shower as well.  There are issues with the boyfriend’s family, so there won’t be a shower from them.  The women in my family are very strict Christian Southern women who don’t agree with the whole co-ed baby shower thing, so we were going to have a girl’s only shower and let her Dad’s family invite her boyfriend’s brother to that one.

The argument ensued this morning when she text me to let me know she wanted to change the date of her baby shower.  Normally I would have absolutely no problem changing the date of the shower, but the two weekends she had in mind were not good for me.  First she chose October 29.  That’s not an option because that is the weekend of Ellie’s 2nd birthday party, and our entire family will already be there.  We pre-reserved the same location we used last year, and I can’t change the date.  We’ve already ordered all the invitations. 

The second date she chose was October 22, and I will be out of town that weekend.  Her reply was, well, I guess you’ll just have to get together with me some other time to give me my gifts because that’s the date we’re going with.  I was a bit confused, and I replied that as the host it’s hard to have the shower without me present.  I would love to be able to throw the shower for her on that date, but it’s just impossible as I already have a prior engagement 4 states away.

That’s when she replied, “Oh, I forgot to tell you I changed my mind.  My mom and my friend are throwing my shower, and we’re going to have one big one instead of 2 little ones.”  Normally I wouldn’t have a problem with this either except for the fact that I wasn’t informed of this until after I already put in a rather large order for the shower decorations and tableware.  My sister and I went in together to make the purchase, and as everything is personalized it is non-returnable.  My cousin not only picked the stuff out, but she was with me 2 weeks ago when I placed the order!  She also knows I already put a non-refundable deposit down on the location.  We have the option of changing the date if need be, but there are absolutely no refunds for a cancellation.  Then I asked her when exactly did she change her mind, and she replied “about a month ago”.  So 2 weeks ago she already knew I was wasting money on shower supplies and a deposit for a shower that wasn’t going to happen, and she let me do it anyway.

I admit I was very upset over this, and I made some comments I shouldn’t have and ended the conversation.  She called me a bit later only to say she didn’t understand why I was being such a b*#&$ about it because it was her shower, and she could do what she wanted.  I told her it wasn’t because it was her shower but because I felt hurt and taken advantage of.  I felt like she was using me by getting me to buy the things she needed without informing me I was no longer apart of everything.  She said “well, you bought the stuff.  That’s your fault.”

I called her an ungrateful little mooch which opened up a whole other can of worms.  The argument turned into a fighting match with her screaming that she wasn’t and I was just jealous, and me arguing that someone who lives off their mom, has no job, is having a baby with someone who doesn’t have a job who also lives with her mom, bullies her mom and brother to get them to buy things and pay for her car…well in my book that’s an pathetic little mooch who needs to grow up and act like an adult if she’s wanting to make adult decisions like having a baby.  I shouldn’t have let it go that far, and I shouldn’t have said those things, but it’s the truth.

Every few days my Grandma calls me to rant about something else she’s done to upset my aunt.  She’s gone as far as to take my aunt’s credit cards and max them out on clothes and junk when she was supposed to be buying books and supplies for college…which she pretended to go to for 3 months before she admitted she never enrolled.  This stuff has been building inside of me and driving me nuts for months.  Maybe it wasn’t my place to say it, but I felt someone had to.  The rest of the family tip toes around and whispers behind backs instead of flat out saying anything because they don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings.  I can’t help it.  I don’t care if it hurts her feelings.  I finally felt it was time to be blunt because I felt taken advantage of, too.  I just wish I hadn’t let my anger get the best of me because there were so many ways to deal with it that would have been better.  It’s too late now, though.  All I can hope for is that she will eventually grow up and see exactly why I am so upset, but I know that’s a lot to wish for.